Zzzz

Psssst.

This is one for the few that stay up until 05.30am like myself. Oh, it's just me? Awks.

A few months ago I actually tried to sleep at a normal time, I really did. But there are only so many days you can lie in bed with thoughts racing around your head, and next thing you know it's 6am and you're still not asleep.

This is such a drastic change for me; every single person that knows me will tell you that I'm the laziest fucker in the world. Sleeping has always been my talent. After school I had naps as soon as I got home, right up until my mum woke me up for dinner. Then at sixth form I would pull a few chairs together and sleep in my free periods, I literally needed about 16 hours of sleep a day to function.

You might be surprised by this but if you knew my dad then you wouldn't be. It's his fault. There's been times where he's fallen asleep in restaurants only to wake up and find that he's been left on his one with a bill on the table. Thank god I never did that.

The difference is that I suffer from generalised anxiety/panic disorder with depression (I will probably write a blog about this at some point), which I am on medication for and I'm also having therapy once a week. So no it isn't because I've messed my sleeping pattern up - even if I don't sleep for over 24 hours I still can't sleep at night. I've tried listening to music, sleep hypnosis, muscle relaxation techniques but nothing seems to work. The weird thing is that I spend hours thinking about situations that haven't even happened; I'm not stressed out, my brain just likes to make things up. But at least I can use myself as a case study for my psychology degree!

Also on the plus side, from 10pm onwards this has been one of the most productive days I've had in a while! Revision done, part-wrote an essay, then Christmas shopping... I'm on a role. Pity it's now 06:09am. Some people are actually waking up now, wow. 

I guess I should try and get my head down now so I don't completely miss daylight... again.

Let me know if anyone has had any similar experiences, or if any of y'all have any tips or techniques for drifting off! Believe me I'd love to try them.

Night! (Well, morning...)

x

A Message.

This is a message to both me and you.

Something or someone once made you smile, but they don't anymore. Something changed, and it wasn't you. You do everything you can to get back what you had, but it isn't reciprocated.

We've all been there.

This is my message and my plea to you, but mainly to myself. 

     People always tell you to 'fight for what you love', 'do what makes you happy', 'be completely honest with people'. But I'm starting to see how following these guidelines can trip you up. 

     Being a completely honest person, I wear my heart well and truly on my sleeve. I let people in too quickly, fall too hard and care too much. This changes today.

     I hate unfinished business, I need closure and I HATE being ignored. The only thing I can do for myself when this is the case is to stick to my guns and be completely honest. So yes I'll write a complete essay about something that might seem like nothing, because it makes me feel better.

     However, one thing changes. Now I'm going to do what I should have done, well months ago now, and listen to my mum. Making excuses for shitty people stops and so does chasing them.

This was written with somebody in mind, and they know who they are. 

A message to him: You're not a shitty person really, so stop acting like it. I don't care about distance, I would rather try than not know. God knows if you're scared of trying, or if you're just not interested anymore. I would say I'm past caring but to be honest, you and I both know that isn't true. But, there will be a time when I don't care. I deserve the truth from you now. So don't be expecting any effort from me anymore; I give up.

Remember when I asked why nothing serious ever happens with you and anyone else? - You said that you 'don't reply to them', sounds very familiar to me. I should have quit trying weeks ago. You're very aware of how I feel, so I'm leaving the ball in your court. You have a choice. Answer the question that I asked you tonight (which I hope you do), or don't expect to hear from me again.

To both myself and anyone else in a similar situation: Pour your heart out, get it off your chest and then walk away. You're worth more.

x

Made Under

        'iya

Recently I've come across a lot of videos, blogs and even adverts for fundraisers about wearing (or not wearing) makeup. Here's my take...

Being an all or nothing kinda girl, I either leave the house without a scrap of makeup on, or a full face of slap. There's none of this 'I'll just put a bit of concealer on and some mascara' malarkey.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE makeup; I could happily spend hours painting my face, and there's nothing wrong with that. Nobody should tell anybody that they wear too much makeup too often, or tell people to wear makeup more. Do whatever, and for the right reasons.

The wrong reasons for females pretty much consists of 'feeling the need' to wear makeup, rather than because it's something that they want to do. Wearing makeup should not be something we feel like we have to do before we step out of the door. 

This, lets call it a 'fear', probably focuses on other people's opinions, judgments and reactions. I bet a lot of females are convinced that if they step out the house without makeup on they will be noticed, individuals may bring it up in conversation and will therefore feel like they need to apologise for the fact that they have their natural face on show. 

It's not very often that I leave the house with any makeup on my face, and it's because of this that I receive the opposite reaction. Now people notice when I do wear makeup, rather than when I don't. For example, I've worked at a gym in Canterbury town centre for around 7 weeks now, and have only worn makeup on 1 of my shifts. I don't wear makeup in the week because I see no point in wasting my makeup on work or uni. So on this particular day I walked into work with a full face of makeup on, to be greeted by my boss with: You actually made an effort today?!

Although he was obviously joking, it made me think. Think about the fact that some individuals consider makeup as part of a uniform now, or as an important aspect of looking 'smart' or 'presentable'. That is not the way that natural faces should be considered and I think that needs to change.

If you want to wear less makeup or wear makeup less often, then do not be afraid to do so.

 

 

Thought I'd finish by sharing a load of photos of my bare face. And I'm not sorry for not wearing makeup.

Please share any of your opinions in the comments, I'd love to read them.

 

Ciao kids

x

 

Surprise, surprise!

Sup pals.

I'd like to tell you I haven't written anything in a while because I've been super busy...

I've been busy...

Staying in bed until 5pm.

Although, recently I did take the 3 and a half hour train journey back to Nottingham to surprise my mum. Everybody knew I was coming back, including: my dad, my brother, my hairdresser, my beautician and my boss; it was so satisfying to see the look of genuine surprise on her face - nobody let it slip.

Firstly, I was greeted by a fall down the slope at the train station as a nice 'welcome home' present. Picture a girl carrying bags and bags falling onto her knees at the bottom of a slope. Yep. Cheers to the guy in front of me who helped me up, and in a panic I said 'sorry' to. And cheers to the girls behind me that laughed at me - I would have done the same.

Then I got in a taxi back to my house. My mum's boyfriend, who also knew I was coming home, met me at the front of my house to slip me the front door keys, then in I went.

The first, well, 'being' I encountered was the dog. Being her usual vicious guard-dog self, she stared at me. That's all she did. Didn't get up or even wag her tail. Pretending she hates me as usual. Bitch.

I then made my way to the kitchen where I could hear my mum speaking to her boyfriend. So I just stood in the doorway and said 'hi'.

My mum gasped as she turned around, probably expecting to see a burglar, and like the dog - stared at me. She was silent for about a minute, Looking from me to her boyfriend in I guess disbelief; she didn't think she'd see me until Christmas.

Eventually she hugged me and then later told me she thought her mind was playing tricks on her - like she was dreaming. 

I would encourage everyone to plan a surprise for somebody. Seeing that you made someone so happy, even if it's just for a moment, is one of the best feelings.

TTFN

x

Drinkies - checks and monochrome

Heyyyyy

Another fashion-type post here so if that doesn't interest you then feel free to click away now. Or just scroll past these pointless words to look at the photos. I probably would.

Just for context: This outfit was worn on a night out in Canterbury at the beginning of October. Although I don't believe that you can only wear certain colours in particular seasons, wearing something with a hint of red made me feel very autumnal and excited for the upcoming winter months. I also lurveeee the cute pocket detailing which breaks up the pattern a bit. Very cute and very me. 

The shoes I went for were a pair of contrast black and white block heels - as you can see. These are my go-to heels for a night out as they're one of the few pairs I own that don't make me want to rip off my feet towards the end of the night! They are literally the perfect height. Plus the block heel is good for balance, and we all need that once we've had a few.

Outfit:

Dress - Missguided

Shoes - New Look

Earrings - Dorothy Perkins

Cosmetics: 

Lashes - LASH Eyelashes Intense Volume Edition 31 (Superdrug)

Lipstick - Maybelline New York Color Sensational 547 Pleasure Me Red

Nail Varnish - Rimmel London 60 Seconds Nail Polish 504 District-ly Come Dancing

That's it for now!

See y'all on the flip side.

x

Half a Blue Sky

Hi!

It's week 3 at uni now and I can honestly say that I'm so glad I had the courage to move here. The people here are my type of people, my room is so so nice and I love Canterbury. 

However another thing that differs from last year is the fact that I actually miss home. Well, I don't miss Nottingham, I miss the people. 

Living in a flat with 8 other people is great because there's always someone around (when I decide to get out of bed). There are only 3 girls in our flat -including me- so these are now my honorary sisters. We all get along so so well and the weird thing is, we all feel exactly the same way. When we moved here, we each described ourselves as 3 'single' girls but the more we talked, the more we realised that yes we are single, but we all have someone back home that we wish we could be with. Being typical girls, there have been a few occasions where we sit with a shite film on- just the 3 of us - glass of wine in hand, inhaling ice cream and chocolate just to moan about boys. The point of this is, if one of us is down, we all feel down. If one of us misses home, we all miss home.

Last year I didn't really miss home that much - which is weird to me considering that I didn't enjoy uni last year, and I love it this year! I guess listening to others talk about home and watching them leave to visit their families makes me wish I could jump in a car and go see mine. I don't make enough effort with my family and friends enough when I'm away, so I'm taking the opportunity now to write a very personal blogpost.

Mummy: I don't tell you enough how much I appreciate everything you do and have done for me. All the cooking you do, cleaning my room, paying to have my hair done, driving me around and just being there for me whenever I need you. I'm so so lucky to have a mum that encourages me to do whatever I want to do in life and that I can talk to about absolutely anything. Tell Grandad I miss walking Zoe with him, and that I might get out of bed to take her once or twice with him at Christmas. I'll phone him very soon! Can't wait to be able to cuddle up to you and the pig on the sofa when I get home. Miss you. Love you.

Daddy: I don't know if you actually read my blog but I guess I'll just force you to read this one. I don't make the effort to see you or talk to you enough as I should do, so I'm sorry about that. I'm going to try harder from now on! Thank you for being my personal taxi driver - I actually miss your annoying car journeys... listening to Classical and whatever other crap is on the radio at the time (sorry for saying crap). Spoke to Nanna on the phone today which made me happy, good to hear her sounding cheery! I should probably also tell you that I'm still following all the Forest matches here in Canterbury, so don't blame me for not saying 'COYR' at the start of a match if we lose. And no, I'm not ever going to go to Nottingham uni so get over it! Miss you. Love you.

Jack: I am so so proud of everything you have done lately. Not many people can brag about their sibling the way that I can about you. But sometimes I wish that you weren't so busy so we could see each other more often! I'll book a coach to London some time soon, so let me know when you're free! Thanks for being there for me whenever I need someone to talk to, whether it's help with something or just a chat. I miss you. Love you.

Jasmine & Sophie: I know I haven't been around that much over the past few years with moving schools then going to uni, but you two are the people that know me best. I don't think I've taken advantage of living so close to the two of you and I really wish that I could have spent more time with you this Summer. But I hope you know that if any of you ever need anything, I'm always a phone call away, even if it's just for a catch up. Miss you. Love ya.

M: Weird to think that someone I haven't been speaking to for that long really is such a big part of my life now. I literally can't go a day without speaking to you. Even if you are a Derby fan. I'm so lucky to have found someone I get along so well with and I can't wait to see you. Call me soon. Miss you!

When I'm at home I miss uni, and when I'm at uni I miss home.

But I'm very very thankful that I have half a blue sky wherever I am now.

TTFN

x

Freshers days 3 and 5 - Foam Party and School Disco

'iya

I planned to blog freshers' week as I went along but as you can tell, that didn't work out. So now I'm sat here racking my brain because I can't actually remember what I did for the rest of the week. All I know is:

Day 3 - foam party

Day 5 -  school disco

As for day 4, 6 and 7... your guess is as good as mine.

The most helpful clubbing advice you'll ever receive:

1. Don't wear contact lenses to foam parties.

2. Do take a jacket - the cloak room is worth £1.

3. Don't leave the queue to a club to wee - you get kicked to the back.

4. Do laugh at your friend when they fall flat on their arse. But then pretend you pushed them so they still get in.

5. Don't leave the queue when you're at the front because you're fed up after 3 HOURS of waiting.

6. Do buy queue jump tickets.

That's all for now.

Cya!

x