This is a message to both me and you.
Something or someone once made you smile, but they don't anymore. Something changed, and it wasn't you. You do everything you can to get back what you had, but it isn't reciprocated.
We've all been there.
This is my message and my plea to you, but mainly to myself.
People always tell you to 'fight for what you love', 'do what makes you happy', 'be completely honest with people'. But I'm starting to see how following these guidelines can trip you up.
Being a completely honest person, I wear my heart well and truly on my sleeve. I let people in too quickly, fall too hard and care too much. This changes today.
I hate unfinished business, I need closure and I HATE being ignored. The only thing I can do for myself when this is the case is to stick to my guns and be completely honest. So yes I'll write a complete essay about something that might seem like nothing, because it makes me feel better.
However, one thing changes. Now I'm going to do what I should have done, well months ago now, and listen to my mum. Making excuses for shitty people stops and so does chasing them.
This was written with somebody in mind, and they know who they are.
A message to him: You're not a shitty person really, so stop acting like it. I don't care about distance, I would rather try than not know. God knows if you're scared of trying, or if you're just not interested anymore. I would say I'm past caring but to be honest, you and I both know that isn't true. But, there will be a time when I don't care. I deserve the truth from you now. So don't be expecting any effort from me anymore; I give up.
Remember when I asked why nothing serious ever happens with you and anyone else? - You said that you 'don't reply to them', sounds very familiar to me. I should have quit trying weeks ago. You're very aware of how I feel, so I'm leaving the ball in your court. You have a choice. Answer the question that I asked you tonight (which I hope you do), or don't expect to hear from me again.
To both myself and anyone else in a similar situation: Pour your heart out, get it off your chest and then walk away. You're worth more.
x
You are worth far more than a dick that is even too rude to reply to you Charlotte. Tell him to go f*ck himself then go and have some fun and don't give him another thought! You will find someone that deserves you when the time is right. Listen to mummy she loves you very much and knows what an amazing person you are! Xx
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