A Message.

This is a message to both me and you.

Something or someone once made you smile, but they don't anymore. Something changed, and it wasn't you. You do everything you can to get back what you had, but it isn't reciprocated.

We've all been there.

This is my message and my plea to you, but mainly to myself. 

     People always tell you to 'fight for what you love', 'do what makes you happy', 'be completely honest with people'. But I'm starting to see how following these guidelines can trip you up. 

     Being a completely honest person, I wear my heart well and truly on my sleeve. I let people in too quickly, fall too hard and care too much. This changes today.

     I hate unfinished business, I need closure and I HATE being ignored. The only thing I can do for myself when this is the case is to stick to my guns and be completely honest. So yes I'll write a complete essay about something that might seem like nothing, because it makes me feel better.

     However, one thing changes. Now I'm going to do what I should have done, well months ago now, and listen to my mum. Making excuses for shitty people stops and so does chasing them.

This was written with somebody in mind, and they know who they are. 

A message to him: You're not a shitty person really, so stop acting like it. I don't care about distance, I would rather try than not know. God knows if you're scared of trying, or if you're just not interested anymore. I would say I'm past caring but to be honest, you and I both know that isn't true. But, there will be a time when I don't care. I deserve the truth from you now. So don't be expecting any effort from me anymore; I give up.

Remember when I asked why nothing serious ever happens with you and anyone else? - You said that you 'don't reply to them', sounds very familiar to me. I should have quit trying weeks ago. You're very aware of how I feel, so I'm leaving the ball in your court. You have a choice. Answer the question that I asked you tonight (which I hope you do), or don't expect to hear from me again.

To both myself and anyone else in a similar situation: Pour your heart out, get it off your chest and then walk away. You're worth more.

x

Made Under

        'iya

Recently I've come across a lot of videos, blogs and even adverts for fundraisers about wearing (or not wearing) makeup. Here's my take...

Being an all or nothing kinda girl, I either leave the house without a scrap of makeup on, or a full face of slap. There's none of this 'I'll just put a bit of concealer on and some mascara' malarkey.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE makeup; I could happily spend hours painting my face, and there's nothing wrong with that. Nobody should tell anybody that they wear too much makeup too often, or tell people to wear makeup more. Do whatever, and for the right reasons.

The wrong reasons for females pretty much consists of 'feeling the need' to wear makeup, rather than because it's something that they want to do. Wearing makeup should not be something we feel like we have to do before we step out of the door. 

This, lets call it a 'fear', probably focuses on other people's opinions, judgments and reactions. I bet a lot of females are convinced that if they step out the house without makeup on they will be noticed, individuals may bring it up in conversation and will therefore feel like they need to apologise for the fact that they have their natural face on show. 

It's not very often that I leave the house with any makeup on my face, and it's because of this that I receive the opposite reaction. Now people notice when I do wear makeup, rather than when I don't. For example, I've worked at a gym in Canterbury town centre for around 7 weeks now, and have only worn makeup on 1 of my shifts. I don't wear makeup in the week because I see no point in wasting my makeup on work or uni. So on this particular day I walked into work with a full face of makeup on, to be greeted by my boss with: You actually made an effort today?!

Although he was obviously joking, it made me think. Think about the fact that some individuals consider makeup as part of a uniform now, or as an important aspect of looking 'smart' or 'presentable'. That is not the way that natural faces should be considered and I think that needs to change.

If you want to wear less makeup or wear makeup less often, then do not be afraid to do so.

 

 

Thought I'd finish by sharing a load of photos of my bare face. And I'm not sorry for not wearing makeup.

Please share any of your opinions in the comments, I'd love to read them.

 

Ciao kids

x

 

Surprise, surprise!

Sup pals.

I'd like to tell you I haven't written anything in a while because I've been super busy...

I've been busy...

Staying in bed until 5pm.

Although, recently I did take the 3 and a half hour train journey back to Nottingham to surprise my mum. Everybody knew I was coming back, including: my dad, my brother, my hairdresser, my beautician and my boss; it was so satisfying to see the look of genuine surprise on her face - nobody let it slip.

Firstly, I was greeted by a fall down the slope at the train station as a nice 'welcome home' present. Picture a girl carrying bags and bags falling onto her knees at the bottom of a slope. Yep. Cheers to the guy in front of me who helped me up, and in a panic I said 'sorry' to. And cheers to the girls behind me that laughed at me - I would have done the same.

Then I got in a taxi back to my house. My mum's boyfriend, who also knew I was coming home, met me at the front of my house to slip me the front door keys, then in I went.

The first, well, 'being' I encountered was the dog. Being her usual vicious guard-dog self, she stared at me. That's all she did. Didn't get up or even wag her tail. Pretending she hates me as usual. Bitch.

I then made my way to the kitchen where I could hear my mum speaking to her boyfriend. So I just stood in the doorway and said 'hi'.

My mum gasped as she turned around, probably expecting to see a burglar, and like the dog - stared at me. She was silent for about a minute, Looking from me to her boyfriend in I guess disbelief; she didn't think she'd see me until Christmas.

Eventually she hugged me and then later told me she thought her mind was playing tricks on her - like she was dreaming. 

I would encourage everyone to plan a surprise for somebody. Seeing that you made someone so happy, even if it's just for a moment, is one of the best feelings.

TTFN

x